December 30, 2005

Holiday blues buster

By Maria Lloyd, LMFT
Special to the Times

As a therapist, I’ve found that the holiday season is the busiest and most intense time of the year for many of my clients.

I’ve also found that people generally respond to the holidays with either excitement and enthusiasm or with fear and a sense of dread. With Christmas rapidly approaching, it is important to take the time to develop a thoughtful plan for how you will spend the holiday. It can make a big difference in your enjoyment of this special day.

Sherry’s memories of the holidays with family were filled with overwhelming feelings of frustration and depression. She dreaded her family expecting her to stay at their house the entire week between Christmas and New Year’s, the sarcasm that would eat away at her self-esteem, and the mindless chatter that would fill the room when the extended relatives arrived. She thought, “Here we go again…”

Janet’s family members were not people she always enjoyed either and she found that Christmas preparations often left her feeling drained. But Janet decided to take a different approach to the challenge of enjoying the holidays by asking herself, “How do I want to spend my time this holiday season?” “What would feed my spirit in a way that would capture the holiday joy?”

Janet mapped out a realistic plan so she could really enjoy the holidays. Because she doesn’t like spending too much time with family she decided that it was important to figure out just the right amount of time she would spend with family and made plans to participate in the activities she enjoyed.

Her family loves to cook so she decided that she definitely wanted to be present for a meal. Christmas day dinner was her favorite because lots of friends were invited and everyone would bring their favorite dish.

Janet decided to volunteer giving out gifts at the neighborhood church to the poor on Christmas Eve morning. She felt that giving would help her focus on the true meaning of Christmas. And, she invited a few family members to join her. She also planned to see some close friends the day after Christmas and to see her favorite movie. By limiting her visit to four days she knew that she would have some time to herself at her own home before returning to work after the New Year.

Do you identify more with Sherry or with Janet when you think about the holidays? Does holiday dread paralyze you from making plans that may actually help you look forward to the holidays?

Janet’s proactive approach to the holidays can be achieved in three simple steps:

- Map out how much time you want to spend with family.
- Make a list of activities that you’ll enjoy.
- Invite people to join you in doing activities that you enjoy.

And remember, with careful planning this holiday season can be as enjoyable and fulfilling as you want it to be.
Maria Lloyd, LMFT is a therapist with San Jose Therapy. Find out more about SJT by visiting the Web site at www.sanjosetherapy.org.