November 19, 2004

A season of expectations

By Vivian Silva
Special to the Times

Leaves need raking, pumpkins adorn porch steps, and we now wear sweaters indoors. We expect the weather to change. We plan for it. We shift summer clothes to the back of the closet and advertisers remind us of the upcoming holiday shopping season. In fact, we may find ourselves ready for these changes and look forward to the signs of a new season.

But what if the signs of a new season are personal? What are our personal expectations for this time of the year? Do we expect to carry on the tradition of the family gatherings at Aunt Mary’s or participate in our friend’s annual gift exchange? And, of course Mom will bake our favorite pie, right?

Change is inevitable and people have the right to alter holiday traditions or expectations. However, we need to be concerned when Aunt Mary isolates herself after announcing she’s no longer interested in having the family over for dinner. We need to worry if we find Mom losing her appetite and crying whenever we visit. When usual behavior changes drastically—whether for family, friends, or our own—depression may be the reason. Duration and intensity may distinguish depression from normal grief.

Symptoms of depression may include:
- Persistent sad, anxious or empty feelings.
- Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism.
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness.
- Loss of interest or pleasure in usual hobbies and activities.
- Decreased energy, feelings of fatigue.
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions.
- Insomnia, early-morning awakening or oversleeping.
- Thoughts of death or suicide.
- Restlessness or irritability.
- Excessive crying.
- Loss of appetite or overeating.
- Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, including. headaches, stomach disorders and chronic pain.
(Source: National Institute of Mental Health)

We can expect to miss our loved ones. We can expect to slow down due to health reasons or just being tired of being the one doing all the work. And, we can even expect to want to change our ways time to time even though most of us resist change.

We can expect that no matter what age we are, we can get help.

A checkup with a physican would be necessary to rule out any medical basis for the disruptive behavior. Other resources include active discussion with friends and family, supportive counseling or consultation with professionals in the aging field. Sometimes the season of expectations is more than we can handle on our own.

Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist/MSW is the director of Geriatric Advisory Program at Almaden Valley Counseling Service.

The service educates and advises adult children and elders on aging issues and provides individual and family consultation. For more information call (408) 975-2988 or e-mail vivsilva@aol.com.