October 20, 2006

Aging Connection

Finding meaning in life through spirituality

By Vivian I. Silva
Special to the Times

“My wife just left me after 45 years of marriage and my health is failing,” said a distressed elderly client. “Do you believe in life after death?”

Graduate studies did not prepare me for this question.

Twenty years ago, my gerontology classes included discussion about pain, suffering, and death, but not about helping clients with questions regarding spirituality, religion and finding meaning in life. My clients taught me not to shy away from these kinds of questions.

Researchers devised “Spirituality Scales” to help understand the impact of religion or spirituality on the aging process. One such scale is the Nelson-Becker Spiritual Strategies Scale asking how often a variety of solutions were used for problems.

Some of the questions included use of meditation, prayer, acceptance of death, participation in religious ritual or ceremony. Other questions included experiencing the spiritual in the arts, finding peace in nature, or providing service to others.

The 1971 White House Conference on Aging asserted, “All persons are spiritual, even if they have no use for religious institutions and practice no personal pieties.” Spiritual was defined as: one’s basic value, pertaining to one’s ultimate concern, main philosophy of life guiding conduct, and non-material or supernatural dimension of human life.

The awareness of various research about spirituality and aging helps to open up the dialogue with older adults. “What do you believe about life after death?” or “Do you belong to a religious organization?” are a few questions that can lead to meaningful interaction about fear of death or loss of hope.

The highest suicide rate in the nation is in the 65-and-older age group. Unfortunately many elders are not treated for depression when they could be helped. Discussion regarding the loss of meaning in one’s life could serve as a way to open the window to getting help.

Researcher Marty Richard suggests that we all will benefit when we take the time to address spiritual tasks of aging:

- to establish a sense of self-worth apart from the externals

- to freely surrender those dimensions of life where there is no longer ability

- to seek and share wisdom/love with others

- to become a mentor to others

- to view life as meaningful and valuable but not perfect

- to face death and everlasting life questions

As a nation obsessed with youth and productivity, it’s no wonder many older adults admit to feeling left out without a sense of meaning or purpose in their lives.

What can help is if we begin to look to our elders as wisdom keepers. Ask them about their life lessons. Living long and learning from mistakes and life’s struggles, many have said they want to share their knowledge with the younger generations. A woman in one of my women’s groups expressed her frustration, “We have so much to say but no one wants to listen to us.”

Viktor Frankl survived the Nazi death camps where he lost his parents, brother, and wife. He became a famous writer-psychiatrist and found choices even in the depths of despair. His most famous book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” inspired readers around the world.

Readers responded to his message of hope. He related a story where he saw a prisoner share some crumbs with another and the act of kindness and generosity changed his life.

Frankl talked about the unconditional value of each human being and that dignity must not be confused with usefulness. He bore witness to the dignity within those waiting to die.

The increased longevity around the world challenges us to find new meanings in the lives for those who are aging. We can unlock potential for personal growth and social contributions for our family members and friends who are in their 70s, 80s and even 90s.

Do you know what sustains you?

We too can offer hope to those elders lost in desperation and feelings of uselessness by listening to their struggles, examining our own meaning of life and being willing to interact with elders close to us in a dialogue regarding our own life purpose.


Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist/ MSW is the director of Geriatric Advisory Program at Almaden Valley Counseling Service. The service educates and advises adult children and elders on aging issues and provides individual and family consultation. For more information call (408) 975-2988 or e-mail vivsilva@aol.com.