October 7, 2005

Silicon Valley Mom

Bea’s barrel of birthday advice

By Bea Baechle
Editor

Like most conscientious Silicon Valley moms, I’ve planned dozens of birthday parties for my two precious children, well deserving of fond birthday memories etched into their brains forever.

With birthdays just 12 days apart, my endless desire to multitask resulted in a combined birthday party for my six-year-old son Matthew and my four-year-old daughter Christina in 1997. I never pulled off a combo party again.

Between my 14-year-old son Matthew and my 12-year-old daughter Christina, I’ve learned enough about what makes a party a success or a fiasco to quit my day jobs and open up a party planning business for the 14 and under set.

I’d go way beyond just providing ideas of where to throw a birthday party when the kids get bored of the jumper in their own backyard. It’s those success tips that our society’s perfect parents covet.

Party success tips
Silicon Valley’s favorite parks? Been there. Get to the park by 5 a.m. to save the prime picnic tables closest to the playground or fountain or other popular kid’s attraction.

Oh, and when your husband graciously offers to do that tough job of sitting there to save the spot, listening to KNBR 680 AM, watching a DVD on his laptop or reading “Sports Illustrated,” line up a friend or relative to take on that difficult reservation task.

You’ll need hubby back at home to help you load the truck full of supplies that need to get to the park—crepe paper, balloons, personalized banner, cake, plates, forks, napkins, drinks, presents, goodie bags, piñata and all the fixings for an unforgettable barbecue. And don’t forget the bat for the piñata. Or the first aid kit for the bat gone awry.

Miniature golf course? Done that. Tell your young Tiger Woods wannabes that if they confuse their putters for irons and sail those balls out to the stratosphere, they may have to stay late to clean the course to pay for the lost balls. Works every time.

And check the video game area every 10 minutes for that one birthday guest who has held a video controller in his hands more than any book, pencil or color marker combined.

Pool party? Been there. Bring a diversion for the one kid who says he doesn’t like to swim, but is actually terrified of the deep end where the kids are playing Marco Polo.

Avoid bringing dive toys that have been rumored to impale innocent kids who inadvertently land on top of them. And for the hotshots who want to jump on their boogie boards and pretend they’re surfboards, make sure they lean forward toward the water, not backward toward the cement edge of the pool.

Bowling alley? Done that. Make sure the kids understand they actually have to let go of the bowling ball, or they’ll go sliding down that polished lane along with it like Eric Heiden on his speed skates. Oh, and check the video game area every 10 minutes for that one birthday guest who, you know.

Pony rides in the backyard? Been there. Most children love ponies, but keep them away from the horse poo—well worth the uncontrollable belly laughs from your youngest guests—as long as the horse owner, not the homeowner, scoops it up.

Arts and crafts parties? Done that. Focus on one or two crafts. Give kids too many choices and they’ll spend more time trying to pick a craft than actually creating one. And don’t go overboard on the supplies. I bought enough wooden plaques, stencils and decoupage for one birthday party to last a lifetime. And Christina’s lifetime.

Go karting. Been there. In any moving vehicle, even if it’s just a go-kart, your birthday guests need to abide by the rules of the track. The first time I saw Matthew weaving in and out of the slower drivers, scraping the wall a couple of times, I almost had a heart attack. And to think that I only have two more years before he’ll be out on the road!

Bamboola. Done that. Don’t even attempt to keep constant watch of 10+ squealing birthday guests racing through 28,000 square feet of fun and adventure. Enjoy a piece of gourmet pesto chicken pizza and trust in the universe that it’s very unlikely that your birthday guests will bury themselves alive in the dinosaur dig, get stuck in the climbing tubes, get permanently lost in the maze or fall out of “Grandmother’s Attic” while they’re playing dress-up.

Personalities
Yes, I’ve only scratched the surface of party hints and ideas, but I could devote another entire branch of the party consulting business to dealing with the personalities that crop up at every child’s celebration like the Debbie Downer character on “Saturday Night Live.”

There will always be the spoilers who have the nerve to tell your son he sucks at bowling at his own birthday party or tell your daughter she’s ruining her own sleepover because she’s too tired to stay up all night.

And there’s likely to be at least one girl who tries to take over the party and become the center of attention. Or the sleepover guest who at 2:30 a.m. tells 10 girls huddled around a TV watching a horror flick that she saw someone hiding in your backyard, when of course, she didn’t.

That’s when Mom gets yanked out of bed and lies wide awake among the petrified pre-teens until they finally doze off.

In the end, both my kids feel like they’ve had some of the best birthday parties ever.

Although I always love a party, I seem to have all the added memories associated with the headaches of planning and executing them—which completely elude the kids.

So I guess I won’t quit my day jobs.

Bea Baechle is the editor of the Evergreen Times and president of The Write Focus, Inc., an award-winning San Jose-based writing and editing business.