August 27, 2004

Plan wisely for the care of each other—and yourself

By Linda Jacobs
Special to the Times

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Linda Jacobs. I am a wife, mother of three college-age children, a business owner and a resident of Almaden Valley. I am a new contributor to the Senior Issues column. Senior citizens and their very personal issues are dear to my heart. My personal history has led me to this place in my life and the work I do.

In future columns I plan to write about issues that are close to all of us as we age: health, finances, retirement, family relationships, religion, care giving—you name it, we’ll talk about it.

I am sandwiched between a 100-year-old grandmother, a 73-year-old mother and my three 20-something children.

My father was a prominent business owner in Santa Clara County. He worked alongside my three brothers and me for seven years in a local commercial glass and glazing company. Upon his retirement, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Although we were able to take him through the perils of his disease with the care of my mother, my brothers and my husband, we discovered firsthand just how Alzheimer’s disease can devastate those involved with the patient’s life. Five years after his diagnosis, we lost my father. The story I am about to share talks about the path we took to get through those five years.

Many of us try to plan for the various changing phases of our lives. We have insurance policies in place for the possible catastrophic events, which could occur: fire, accident, medical, income changes and death. However, few of us plan on being unable to adequately care for ourselves at a time when our loved ones are in need. My mother provided the necessary care for my father for the better part of five years. Unfortunately, at the same time, she experienced a sharp decline in her own health, physically and mentally, as a result of providing 24-hour care for my father. While he only spent seven months living in facilities outside their family home, my mother was lucky enough to possess the strength to remain as strong as she did for such a long time. Many people are not blessed enough to be in good health when their loved one needs them.

My father’s waning mental function was due to a dreaded terminal illness; as the disease progressed, he became incapable of recognizing the affect his disease was having on his family. Spouses and family members providing care within the comforts of a home environment many times suffer from exhaustion and depression, two aspects of such care often taken for granted. The lack of training and general inexperience of these caregivers, our loved family members, leads to an extremely difficult situation, which can be highly emotional and exhausting. Even though many families believe they have planned for any catastrophe, they fail to consider the possibility that they cannot adequately care for themselves, physically and mentally, while providing care for their loved one.

Like so many couples of their generation, my parents believed in self-insuring. They had ample savings and felt they would always be there for each other. Yet, my brothers and I were the ones who guided my mother in her decision to place my father in a non-medical residential care facility; the disease had rendered him unable to be there for her.

This decision, though very difficult, allowed my mother to recover her strength, her sleeping routine and her health; it enabled her to better provide the kind of companionship my father needed at that time. As my father’s disease grew in intensity we placed him in a rehabilitation, or long-term care, facility very similar to a nursing home. This would prove to be his last move.

The cost of all this care from “day-care facility” once a week to “long-term care facility” was astronomical. While medical insurance took care of all the medical acute care needs, Medicare made a minimal contribution to the other medical expenses. They contributed nothing to the long-term care nursing and facility expense. The bulk of the day-to-day items, those involved with nursing and the facility, were billed directly to my mother. For five years of her husband’s illness, she paid out of pocket for his needs. Had the disease progressed at a slower rate often referred to as the “long goodbye,” the care my father might have required would surely have financially devastated my family.

Long-term care are very real needs most families will incur at some point in their lives and long-term care insurance would have provided an important safety net during this difficult time.

Since my father’s passing, our family has grown. Five years later, we are strong, healthy and happy. My father’s integrity, work ethic and warm heart is part of the legacy he left behind: it is visible in my brothers, my children and my brothers’ young children.

The moral of this story is to plan wisely for those long-term care needs today, so your family will not have to experience financial devastation when dealing with the decline of loved ones.

In remembrance of Joseph A. Giacinto, Sr.

Linda M. Jacobs is a certified senior advisor. Jacobs welcomes your comments and questions and can be reached at (408) 871-2000 x 10 or LindaJacobs@terranceinsurance.com.