January 13, 2006

Aging Connection

Negative aging stereotypes can lead to ‘invisible’ seniors

By Vivian Silva
Special to the Times

Let’s make 2006 the year to assess our attitudes about aging and help others challenge the myths of aging. We can choose to be proactive in stomping out the negative stereotypes associated with getting older.

Negative images and views are all around us. Unfortunately we can mistakenly assume that age is the culprit. The following stories are true and exemplify why we need to help counteract these views.

Example #1: A volunteer at a senior center told me she was waiting in the examining room for a pap smear. The doctor was outside the room talking to the nurse when the patient heard the nurse say “Oh, it’s just an old lady for her annual pap.”

When the woman told me this story, she said, “The damage was done. I felt worthless.” I was outraged and asked if she told the doctor and nurse how inappropriate the comment was. She left without saying a word, but she told me she planned to let the doctor know how much the comment damaged her self-esteem.

In this case, the nurse carried her own negative views of aging. The doctor didn’t realize how degrading the comment was or he would have told the nurse. Educating them hopefully helped prevent this from happening to another patient.

Example #2: A 78-year-old woman told me about the constant pain in her right shoulder. I asked if she had seen a physician and her reply was, “It’s just aging. Nothing I can do about it.” Eventually her daughter too her to a chiropractor; and found out it wasn’t due to aging. He saw she was out of alignment and asked if she had fallen.

She remembered that the pain started after a fall. She couldn’t believe how the pain went away. This was about a year ago and she still is free from pain in her right shoulder.

This demonstrates the assumption that “aches and pains” are just normal part of aging. As we learn, this is not necessarily so!

Example #3: Vertigo kept this 81-year-old man in bed or crawling on the floor to get to the bathroom. His son called me because he was contemplating moving his father to an assisted living facility or hiring a caregiver. My suggestion was to rule out any other medical conditions. This elder ended up getting his dentures checked and found out they had been improperly fitted so with new dentures the dizziness and vertigo disappeared.

This example shows how important it is to have medical and dental exams.

Example #4: A woman in her late 60s went into a beauty supply store to buy supplies to dye her hair red. The young girls at the counter ignored her. When she finally got their attention and told them what she was looking for, she told me, “The look I got from them made me feel like I was too old to be asking for a sassy hair color.”

Her feelings of dejection serve as an example of how we may not even realize how our own insecurities or self-consciousness about aging interpret messages we receive from others. The young women may have just been bored with their jobs or uninterested in any client but we’ll never know. Or, perhaps they didn’t think an older woman would be interested in having fun with hair color.

Many older women feel invisible—I hear this over and over again. Older men often feel ignored too. A 70-year-old male told me, “I noticed when I began walking with a cane and my hair turned white, people pass me on the street without ever looking me in the eye.”

Adult children complain to me that when they take their parents to the doctor, they don’t even look at the elder but address the questions to the adult children.

Another common complaint is when they want to know about their parent’s memory loss and the doctor says, “He’s over 80 years old, what do you expect?”

We all need to investigate whether our messages or stereotypes of aging are accurate or not. Even though I’m a gerontologist and should know better, I have also made assumptions.

For months I assumed the reason I felt discomfort when reaching back to unzip my dress was due to aging. I believed I had lost range of motion in my shoulder.

One weekend at a dance workshop with lots of exercise and arm movements proved to me how wrong I was! I just needed to exercise and have not had a problem since.

Let’s make a resolution to start 2006 without any aging assumptions. We can encourage others to let go of the stereotypes and negative attitudes surrounding old age and learn to appreciate the fact that wisdom can be a positive aspect of aging.

To submit a question for the “Aging Connection” column, e-mail Gerontologist/MSW Vivian I. Silva at vivsilva@aol.com. To make an appointment with the Geriatric Advisory Program at the Almaden Valley Counseling Service call (408) 975-2988. The next six-week Caregiver Support series meets Wednesday evenings.